How to Recognize Listening “Red Flags”

Listening well is the most important skill in coaching as discussed in a prior post. The question is, “How to know when I’m not?”
Similar to any new skill, we can excel at listening only through regular practice. To internalize active listening behavior as part of our coaching toolbox, we also need to recognize the danger signs when it’s not happening. We may think others don’t notice when it occurs; unfortunately, they do and it can adversely impact progress. What are the red flags?
Listening for your own agenda
As leaders, we know what needs to be accomplished. This can too easily become our filter when having coaching conversations. It can result in leading a person to the conclusion we want, our making assumptions about what’s next or giving advice. In other words, we lose our focus on the other person and their wants and needs, and turn it into ours.
Judging
It is crucial to set aside our own perspectives when we enter a coaching conversation. If we overlook this step, it may cause us to make judgments about what the other person is saying such as, “that’s good or that’s bad,” “it’s right or it’s wrong,” or “they agree with me or they don’t.” Judging impacts our ability to connect with and hear the other person. The outcome? We give advice and turn “critical,” stifling ideas and our team member’s desire to take risk.
Pretending to listen
We nod and look engaged in our coaching session while, in fact, our minds are jumping from topic to topic. Bottomline, we’re not listening to what the person is telling us and we’ve lost a valuable opportunity.
Outside distractions
We have hundreds of distractions every day that can easily sidetrack us. Your only objective during coaching is to focus on the other person. Get rid of the distractions before you meet. Choose a quiet location with no interruptions, turn off the devices and get away from other possible intrusions. Coaching is not a time to multitask.
We’ll share tips about listening well in the next post.
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