Listening is one of the three foundational skills for leadership coaching. It is the most valuable asset of a leader, not only when coaching, but also in other everyday settings.
Active listening clearly demonstrates that we understand what someone is telling us. Think about a time when it happened to you and how it felt when someone really understood. It can work magic.
Although most of us feel we already listen well, it is not as easy as we think in a coaching environment. It requires a level of commitment and focus that many leaders overlook because of competing pres sures.
In our world, the winner’s trophy often seems to go to the person who comes up with the answer most quickly or because they are perceived as the “smartest person.” These scenarios get in the way of effective listening.
Two components are necessary in listening for coaching: first, being present. Shutting out interruptions, external and internal, and focusing our full attention on the other person. Not only in listening to the words. It is the real intent of what they’re saying: the why. It’s also observing the messages communicated with body language. Combined, these help us identify the story behind the story.
Equally important in listening is summarizing and reflecting back the information we think the person is telling us, what it means and how they feel, then asking for concurrence or clarification. A good listener is like a mirror. The team member sees themselves reflected back and hears it verbalized by someone else. It can be transformational. Not only will the other person feel affirmed, they may see themselves in a new way, challenging their own thinking and seeing how to change.
As a coach, our role in listening is to accurately hear and understand what the other person wants, needs and feels, even if we do not agree. By consciously opening our minds, we are allowed to enter and accept the world of the other person.
These two aspects of listening help build a strong and trusting foundation for achieving goals, another reason why active listening is essential in coaching. If a team member knows you understand what they are saying and the reasons behind it, without judging or offering a solution, their feeling of safety grows. There will be a greater willingness to open up, explore hard topics, take risks and consider new options.
Another important aspect of coaching is recognizing the signs when listening could benefit from improvement. We’ll share a few red flags in the next post.
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